Seriously?

Bad parenting in it’s purest form.

Here, let me just toss my new born in my lap while I text my girl Shanicia about how I got my hair did and ask her if she knows who’s my baby’s daddy.

terrible.

I swear this country would be a whole lot better with mandatory birth control. Too many babies having babies and people who are just not fit for parenting are getting knocked up and having no idea what to do leads to stuff like this…

Britney did not make a come back. We all know it.

Parents, do yourselves a favor and start grinding up birth control into your daughters cereal every morning.

If I ever have a daughter I’m lockin her up until she’s 21.

- Jonny D

Happy Thanksgiving

Just want to wish everyone out there a happy Thanksgiving.

Eat turkey, watch football (too bad I’m a lions fan), nurse that hangover from going out and getting smashed last night because it’s the only way you could deal with your family.

God bless America.

..and turducken

Delicious.

- Jonny D

808’s and Heartbreak

Kanye put the entire 808’s and Heartbreak album up on his Myspace. Check it.

http://www.myspace.com/kanyewest

Peer Pressure is one hell of a drug

You ever get offered a free ticket to a Division I football game across the state, accept, then end up driving from the aforementioned game to a fraternity house that is 5 hours away because you heard it was their big party weekend and there was a foam party taking place?

Jonny D did.

Peer Pressure is one hell of a drug

So 3 other guys and I were driving when the subject of this foam party comes up. Naturally it seemed ridiculous to drive 5 hours away so we casually brushed off the idea and continued on our trip. Naturally there is always one guy in the group who always pushes things too far and doesn’t know when to quit. Our band of football bound guys was no exception. He constantly brought up the party and pushed for us to consider it. Telling tales of past partys full of booze fueled rage and debauchery.

The more alcohol that was consumed the more it sounded like a good idea. Next thing I know i’m calling TheGirlfriend and informing her I will not be making back home tonight.

Not happy

After standing out in the rain/snow for a disappointing football game we get in the car and argue some more whether we’re going or not. Somehow we decide we’re going and the adventure begins.

Tempting Fate

So after I passed out in the back seat the two guys up front decide that this whole trip might not be a good idea after all so they had the brilliant idea to flip a coin. Heads we go home Tails we continue on.

First Flip: Heads

“Well we gotta do 2 out of 3…”

second flip: Heads

“lets just try it again”

Heads

Heads

Heads

If you can’t count thats 5 votes from fate to go home.

but just like Bobby they didn’t know when enough was enough. They just kept flipping.

After the 11th flip that came up heads they decided to say screw fate and just kept going.

One of us in the car would wake up to regret it.

The Music

So no road trip would be complete without music right? Luckly we were taking his mom’s SUV which seemed to be frequently used by his younger sister. Naturally a bunch of her CD’s were in the car so we decided to use those.

Here comes some facts from the suburbs:

1. Apparently high school volley ball girls give each other mix cd’s as gifts. and label them “For my BFF Kelli! I *Heart* you 4 lyfe”. FACT

2. white women love gangster rap. FACT

the majority of the songs on these CD’s were straight hood. I’m talking gratuitous use of the N word, money, hoes and rims. The whole 9. I can just picture these girls on their way to a volley ball tournament.

Of course there was some random Jason Mraz and John Mayer sprinkled in but I think these girls secretly wanted to be black…or date a black guy..but we all know the parents wouldn’t be having that. Moving on.

The Food

So the entire way these guys have been ranting about a local eatery that has “The best ranch sauce in the history of the world” and apparently amazing garlic cheeseburgers. Not to mention they served beer and were open all night. This place had it all. The best drunk food ever.

Instead of going directly to the Frat house we called in an order and picked it up.Check it.

God bless America

The Party(s)

So we get to the house and, in true frat fashion, begin boozing immediately. Ate our delicious Garlic cheeseburgers and got things going. We played a few games of pong. You know the usual party stuff then they decided to Pregame. This is where things got extremely meaty and fratty.

Apparently they have this “game” they play at the frat that’s more like a pre-game ritual. I somehow got talked into participating in what they refer to as “TNT”. Let me break it down.

1. Get a case of beer and a group of people

2. Put on AC/DC’s “TNT”

(heres where it gets extremely meaty/fratty)

3. Take your shirt off.

I know, I know. You don’t have to say anything. Heres how the rest of the game goes.

You start chanting the “Oy Oy Oy” at the beginning of the song and someone cracks a beer, starts chugging, then passes it to the man to his left. The next guy finishes the beer then proceeds to crush the can on his face.

And it keeps going around like this till you’re out of beer, someone pukes, or someone cuts their face open. Ridiculous I know but there was something strangely fun about this “game”.

so we finished the game when we ran out of beer so we put our shirts back on and prepared to go on with our night. Naturally there was some guy who loves TNT so much he ran downstairs with a couple others (I may have been involved), got more beer, put the song back on and we all took our shirts off and went round 2.

no homo

So we continue to drink and wander around. The Foam machine they got was lacking. Instead of foam floor to ceiling like in the past it was more like floor to mid shin. Not impressed.

More beer

Since the foam party was a bust me and a couple of the frat guys decided to leave and venture to other partys around campus.

I think this is a good time to explain to you that 90% of the student population at this school is Greek. Fraternity and Sorority houses litter the campus, which means there were a lot of people out and about. This guy had a little too much fun. Found him outside on of the houses just passed out in the parking lot.

The Drunkest

(it was dark and taken with a camera phone. cut me a break)

We decided to go to a couple other houses, got more free booze (sometimes it wasn’t given to us…in fact every time it wasn’t. Yeah we were those guys get off me.)

Nothing too big was going on and one of the guys we were with was trying to find some girls he was spitting game at earlier in the night so we decided it was best to head back to the house.

We boozed some more then decided to get some food. A few garlic cheeseburgers and more beer later we found ourselves back at the house with the girls our friend was looking for earlier and hilarity ensued.

Coyote Ugly

One of the most annoying things in this world is drunk females. These girls think they are way hotter and smarter than they actually are. They act like their shit don’t stink and they constantly repeat themselves. You know exactly what I’m talking about.

The ones we happened upon were named Pamela and some other name that started with J.

All i know is J name had no J game and was what we in the business like to refer to as “Busted”. She was what one could only describe as “Coyote Ugly” But I don’t judge.

Now we’re upstairs just Bs’n with these 2 girls killin time, drinkin beer, trying to find something more entertaining when Pamela says ” I’m from New York so I have to be cute”….WRONG. She proceeded to brag about being from New York and claiming that Michigan, the home state of yours truly and all his boys, “sucked”.

Bitch please

So we proceeded to ask her “So pam…where are you from exactly?”

“My name isn’t PAM its PAMELA!”

“Ok thats great but where are you from Pam?”

“Syracuse…and my name is Pamela!”

This girl was running around acting like she kicks it with my boy DP in NYC and shes from Upstate New York. Apparently she hated being called Pam. We found this out and just went to town. I’ve never been corrected on someones name by them so many times in my life. Constantly called this girl Pam until she lost her mind.

I got bored with PAM and decided it was time to crash.

The Morning After

After waking up on a couch still a little drunk from the night before we decided it was time to go.

Wandering around the house finding everyone we came with and gathering up our belongings we notice that one member (who will remain nameless) was absent. We eventually found him passed out..in some random bed…with…

Thats right. My boy hooked up with The J name. And please believe we didn’t let him forget it. The funny thing is his friend was trying to get with her and he swooped in and scooped her up.

Crying shame. Cock block or taking the bullet? You decide.

Lets Review

1. Jonny D can be pursuaded easily when boozed.

2. Frat guys love to smash beer cans

3. Coyote Ugly…not just a movie

4.Drunk white women are the worst

5. Peer Pressure is one hell of a drug.

- Jonny D

Uggs: Making America worse 1 pair at a time

So it’s November and it’s freezing outside. The women everywhere have broken out their Ugg boots and tucked those J’s in for the winter. Crying shame on both accounts.

Lets take a minute to talk about Ugg boots. For those of you who don’t know Ugg boots are those ridiculous ass boots that every girl feels like she needs to wear regardless of the season.You know what i’m talkin about.

I snapped a picture of some especially hideous ones I just had to share.

Disgusting. Why anyone would want those on their feet is beyond me.

Moving on.

It doesn’t help that Hollywood is perpetuating the facade that they look good no matter what you’re wearing.

I caught my girl Pam on the beach and snapped a photo. Check it.

Terrible…

These things have to go. It seems every girl (and sometimes guys) think they need to don these abominations. Everywhere you look you can find someone wearing Uggs. Whats the appeal? I don’t get it.

I was in my basketball class today (yes, I’m taking a basketball class get off me) and this GUY came in rockin the uggs. Couldn’t believe it. After about 2 or 3 minutes of the rest of us chastising him and asking him if they made them for men we decided to start playing. To our surprise my man hooped in some Uggs!

Disgrace

Someone needs to take his man card.

My boy Kanye said it best.

“Is it just me our do them Uggs have girls feet looking like sheepskin Rugs….”

Lets Review

1. Ugg boots are note cute. Stop wearing them.

2. If you’re a dude and wearing Uggs kill yourself.

3. Kanye spits hot fire and knows Uggs need to go.

- Jonny D




Creepy advertisment award goes to..

Caught this one in Dairy queen.

To quote my boy Jolly Joe

“That’s just weird….”

- Jonny D

Might be too far Monday

Man those clowns over at Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal have lost their minds.

Sacrilege at its best…or worst..you decide

Just some thoughts

There is nothing more annoying than a group of college females, one of which is a non-traditional student (you know what I’m talking about. The students who are “going back to school”, usually over the age of 25), going over their spanish homework obnoxiously loud. Fact. I started writing this update with a whole different topic in mind but when I decided to sit down at the tables outside my class I knew I would only be focused on these loud girls spitting broken spanish and conjugating verbs with the non-traditional student directing everything like she’s someones mom.

Odds are she is someones mom but that’s neither here nor there.

After eves dropping some more she keeps spitting out random medical facts which leads me to believe she is a nurse of some sort. Why is it that non-traditional students always feel like they need to incorporate the job they have now into the class. This happens time after time again. Non-trads always have something to say.

These people decide for some reason not to attend college and get their lives started right away. Realize that this was a big mistake and getting married to the first person that they played hide the hogie was probably a set back. They get jobs, work, start a family, then realize that they actually need college. Next thing you know you’re taking child psychology with a 34 year old guy who feels like he needs to ask questions every 2 minutes and brings up his kids constantly.

We get it. You’ve been in the real world and college is much better. Please don’t feel like you need to constantly remind us.

Lets review

1. Don’t get married at 19

2. Non-Traditional students think they know everything

3. College is fun when you’re not in class.

-Jonny D

Stay losing Tuesday: Irony at it’s best.

What we have here people is irony at its best.

This clown stays losing.

DHL is going down and I don’t care

http://www.nzherald.co.nz/business/news/article.cfm?c_id=3&objectid=10542341
DHL is pulling out of America. Doesn’t surpise me one bit. Many of you are unfamiliar with my undying hatred for this delivery service. Let me enlighten you.

About a year ago my computer decided to break…on my birthday…during finals. Yeah I stayed losing. I decided to take it to the Apple store and get it fixed.

After dealing with an obnoxious amount of incompetence in that store that I wont go into at this time I get them to ship my computer to my parents house where I am staying for the holidays. Of course they shipped it DHL which was more of a headache than I needed. The following is a note i wrote on facebook which I thought i’d share on here. Check it

December 26, 2007

So I’ve moved on from my beef with the Apple Store at woodland to focusing all my hate and aggression toward DHL. You may be asking “Why DHL Jonny D? Don’t they deliver packages in a timely manner?”. The answer is simply, No. Let me explain.By now you are all familiar with my computer situation. (If not please read my other 2 notes titled “The apple store at woodland is a waste of space” and ” The apple store woodland is a waste of space: The BS continues”). Apple decides to use DHL for their delivery service. Fine. They have been reliable in the past. No problem. They email me the ever so helpful tracking number and link so I can follow my computer as it gets shipped. I click the link today and this is what I find.

Yeah thats right. It went from Grand Rapids, MI to Ohio.

*GEOGRAPHY FUN ZONE!*

Lets take a break from reading and do a fun activity!

If you guessed Lansing, MI you’re correct!

Moving on.

So. Apparently DHL thinks its necessary to ship something 358 miles out of its way. I guess this is how “Next Day” delivery works. Genius.

I took the liberty of looking up the various slogans DHL has used. Lets take a look.

“We move the world”
Should say We move the world, thats why it’s so F’d up.

“All the way”
All the way past your destination and we keep on going

“I’m on it!”
No you’re not

“First Choice”
If you don’t want your shit.

“First Choice for our customers. Worldwide.”
After all our other choices didn’t work out. This includes pony express.
OR
For me to poop on.

You choose. I like the latter.

This is ridiculous. Way more trouble than it should be. Did I mention the tracking read out has estimated delivery for the 24th of December? That was Monday people.

Given that this was around christmas time and shipping is a hassle this was still unacceptable. DHL stays losing. I won’t miss them a bit.

- Jonny D